Well, we’ve struggled with some technical issues (why oh why do hackers think we want a flaming skull on our homepage?) but we’ve finally got control of the site back, and we can announce the (belated) winner of our second screenplay writing challenge: The End.

As a reminder, we asked you to submit your best shot at rewriting the ending of 2009′s most successful horror film, Paranormal Activity. Our referee was the awesome Denise Gossett, scream queen and founder of the Shriekfest Film Festival.

So who took the prize?

Congratulations go to: Carlos Perez – for his “Goodnight” entry.

Carlos wins a Shriekfest t-shirt, a free 200 word ad in the Shriekfest newsletter (he can use it to pimp his film, screenplay, writing services, etc), a link on the Shriekfest site, and a free festival pass for 2010 Fest. Sweet, right?

Here’s his entry (and then here’s the page with all the entries):

Now it’s time for a little feedback. Here are Denise’s notes:

My pick is Carlos Perez’s Version with the “Goodnight” line.

The “You Win” line [from his first entry] is creepy, but I think it felt like it was trying too hard to be creepy.  I just don’t see her character giving in so easily; granted she has been through a lot, but she does love Micah.  I don’t think she would just give up on Micah like that.

The “Goodnight” ending was pretty cool.  She knows she can’t escape this apparition and seems to really enjoy this “boyfriend” shall we say.  In a way it’s comforting to her that she has this “thing” with her at all times all through the years. Yes, it scares her, but it’s like when someone stays with someone that abuses them, at least they have someone right?  They justify it in any way they can.   I thought this was a much better ending than the original ending.

The third entry seemed to be trying too hard…this ending bothered me, I didn’t buy it, felt the writer was searching for a way to add a twist in just for the sake of a twist.  The writing was good, but I just didn’t like the content.

And my thoughts go something like this… I agree that given a choice between the two lines, I also prefer “Goodnight”. But given a broader choice, I’d rather have no line at all. Sometimes less is more, and when struggling to choose between two lines, sometimes the struggle is an indication that there’s a third, “righter” answer. Maybe it’s a third line, maybe it’s no line at all. I think it’s important to remember that “silence IS dialogue”, and nothing can be the perfect thing to say. Choosing no line here isn’t a cop out… it’s in keeping with the minimalist, naturalistic nature of the whole film… and particularly if the camera timer had fast forwarded to the credits, it could perfectly echo preceding scenes.

Nevertheless, the scene does a good job of remaining in the style of the preceding film (one of our stipulations) and setting up an opportunity for a truly creepy ending that’s far less “hollywood” than the “throw a body at the camera” version I saw.

On the more critically technical side:

• Some of the left margin descriptive passages seem to trend a little long (best to keep them to three or four sentences) but the limitations of the scrippets formatting make that tough to judge.
• I would like to see a less formal style to the descriptive text – there are virtually no contractions used, and the word “and” is overused, as is the phrase “there is”. It seems to retard the pacing a bit, where shorter more declarative sentences might keep the reading pace in line with the action. Find ways to collapse those thoughts into more efficient sound bites.
• The phrase “quickly jumps” out of bed feel redundant (can one “slowly jump”?) as does “the apparition’s strength is too strong”. I’m not sure your strength can be strong.
• I think I’d prefer “a man’s scream” to “a male scream” – it’s less clinical and easier to empathize with.
• And lastly I’d watch for passages like “climbs back under the covers and prepares to go back to sleep” – tell us what people are doing, not what they are “preparing” to do.
• I only found one typo!

And regarding the third entry… I also liked the writing, but found myself suddenly hung up on the viability of such a sting… is there an insurance company that pays out for “death by poltergeist”? Like the cops aren’t going to look at Katie? Unlikely… a fun twist but simply not in keeping with the preceding film (one of our stipulations).

So that’s it. Thanks for your entries, and thanks to Denise for refereeing our little contest, and for donating all the cool stuff. Carlos will receive his schwag in plenty of time for this year’s Shriekfest… congratulations again!

So did Denise make the right choice? Are my technical points off base? Weigh in if you like… that’s what this site is all about… creative dialogue between writers.

And… scene!

Write Club Screenplay Challenge

We’re stoked to announce the referee for our second challenge, Write a New Ending for Paranormal Activity.

Denise Gossett is the founder and Director of the Shriekfest Horror and Sci Fi Film Festival, which runs in L.A. each October, and an actor. A certified Scream Queen in her own right, Denise has seen a lot of screenplays come through her festival, as well as of course having appeared in a few flicks herself: Carnies, Fright Club, The River, Decaying Orbit, Chain of Souls, Nightwatch, Sheila Takes a Bow, When Silence is Dangerous, Self Inflicted, Crustacean, and tons more!

We appreciate her making some time in her extremely busy schedule.

WHAT YOU WIN: Thanks to Denise, the lucky winner will get a Shriekfest t-shirt, a free 200 word ad in their newsletter (use it to pimp your film, your screenplay, your writing services, etc), a link on the Shriekfest site, and a free festival pass for 2010 Fest. How’s that?

UPDATE: Winner announced!

EXTENDED to November 31st!

** SPOILERS ** This screenplay contest assumes the entrant has seen the film Paranormal Activity, and knows how it ends. Virgins tread no further lest the cherry be popped.

Is it too soon for this?

As you may know from my review of Paranormal Activity, I’m a fan of 98% of the film. The last 3o seconds, however? Not so much.

And I’m not alone. The film has developed into quite a phenomenon, and so has the heated discussion around the supposed “studio imposed” ending. This thread at Roger Really has information about two other alleged endings, and the comments section makes for good reading on the variety of reactions to all the alternatives. Likewise the IMDB forums for the film. Or HorrorSquad.

Those who dislike the ending seem galvanized on one point: The camera lunge. I likewise am largely fine with Micah being thrown at the camera – it’s a shocker, a great exclamation point on the excruciating tension the film’s worked so hard to build to that point. But that last part, when Katie crawls in, inspects Micah’s body, and then lunges (morphed like a shot cut from Jennifer’s Body) at the camera, followed by those insipid scrolling footnotes (“…and when the teenagers got home, there was a HOOK hanging from the car door!”) just did not seem like they were from the same film, and left me and many others sitting there thinking… “That’s it? It’s over? What the Hell? This movie was different. It was good. What happened?” (Raises his arms to the ceiling and yells “Spielberrrrrrrrg!”).

So here’s the deal. I hadn’t planned on launching another challenge so soon, but the discussion this movie’s ending has generated really got me thinking… and since it’s gotten its theatrical release now, and more folks can see it, it seemed like a good time to talk about endings.

I used to work retail (who didn’t). Worked my way up to management (by mostly showing up every day). Ended up training cashiers. And here’s what I told them: No matter what the shopper’s experience is in the store, good or bad, what they’ll remember is the last interaction they had. Bad shopping experience? Offset by that nice cashier who smiled and wished you a happy day. Wonderful shopping experience? Ruined by the rude college kid who wouldn’t look you in the eye, didn’t say thank you, and smashed your tomatoes.

So too with storytelling, the ending matters. A lot. Great endings make great movies (check out this list of the top 50 endings at AMC). And bad endings become the stuff of legend (here’s Hollywood.com’s top – er, bottom – 10).

Just as your opening pages have to grab the reader (or viewer) and get them hooked, the closing pages have to leave ‘em satisfied. Just like each scene in your script should have a great button, so should your whole movie. Whether it’s a period, an exclamation point, an ellipsis or a question mark, the right ending, narratively, structurally, and psychologically puts the right closing punctuation on the story sentence.

Does that mean you’re obligated to thoroughly resolve everything? Nope. Tie everything up with a bow? Of course not (especially if you’re thinking sequel). Frankly, I like me a little ambiguity. But it’s about delivering with a style and conviction in keeping with the rest of your story. That’s what folks are complaining about with Paranormal Activity (those who are complaining anyway). That the ending doesn’t deliver on the promise of the rest of the film.

So here’s your challenge:

WRITE A NEW ENDING FOR PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.

Challenge Requirements (read carefully):

This is, we acknowledge, a particularly subjective challenge.

Consider this more than just an exercise in “endings” but also an exercise in re-writes. As a working assignment writer, you may find yourself contracted to polish or fix an existing screenplay. In this case, imagine Spielberg had asked you to “fix the ending”, keeping the balance of the existing script in mind and intact. What would you have done?

This is not about a full final act. Not even really the final scene. It’s about that critical last 30-120 seconds that justifies or validates the entire preceding 88 minutes. And it’s not really about Paranormal Activity per se, so much as it uses that film as a contemporary example to experiment with.

The (next to) final scene stands. Katie gets a strange grin on her face, and convinces Micah that it’s fine to stay in the house.

What happens next?

Everything after that (Katie leaves the room, Micah follows, and all Hell breaks loose somewhere in the dark) is up for grabs. I’ll leave it up to you whether they leave the room at all, whether you use the “Micah gets thrown at the camera” moment, whether Katie addresses the camera.

Should the film end with a bang or a boo, smash cutting to black? Is it better served with a bang and a narrative epilogue? Do we need a title crawl? Or to get out of the house to give our audience a psychological escape? Think about the characters, their personalities, their relationship, what we’ve learned about them through the story, any clues or foreshadowing or props that might be leveraged, think about what kind of a story it’s been, and find an ending that makes elegant use of all that information for a satisfying ending.

The rules:

1. 1 scene
2. 2 pages or less
3. the scene should be in keeping with the balance of the film in tone, character and pace
4. the scene should provide a satisfying conclusion to the preceding existing film
5. proper screenplay formatting
6. zero typos (esp. spelling, commas, and apostrophes) – including the character names!

Check our RULES page for more details.

Check out the FAQ page if you’re still confused.

HOW TO SUBMIT: Post your entry in the “comments” for this post. Use “Scrippets” tags to format your entry like a screenplay.

SUBMISSIONS LIMITED to the first 50 qualified entries (qualified = meeting the stated criteria) or 11-31-09 — whichever comes first.

WINNERS ANNOUNCED approximately two weeks after close.

COMMENTS WILL BE RESTRICTED TO ENTRIES ONLY. Other comments will be deleted (there’ll be time for comments and discussion later, promise). Contact Us if you have questions.

WHO’S JUDGING: Your referee will be Denise Gossett. Denise is the founder and Director of the Shriekfest Horror and Sci Fi Film Festival, which runs in L.A. each October, and an actor. A certified Scream Queen in her own right, Denise has seen a lot of screenplays come through her festival, as well as of course having appeared in a few horror flicks herself. We appreciate her making some time in her extremely busy schedule!

WHAT YOU WIN: Thanks to Denise, the lucky winner will get a Shriekfest t-shirt, a free 200 word ad in their newsletter (use it to pimp your film, your screenplay, your writing services, etc), a link on the Shriekfest site, and a free festival pass for 2010 Fest. How’s that?

Ready? Go!

— Disclaimer! This website, its operators, its sponsors and entrants have no affiliation with the film Paranormal Activity, its creators or its distributors. We make no claim to the story or characters and present this screenplay challenge only as a critical and educational tool for screenwriters, storytellers and movie fans. Paranormal Activity remains the property of Paramount Pictures Corporation and Oren Peli dba Solaka Films.