Screenplay Challenge Three – Comedy Scene: “Everything’s Fine”

Charlie Chaplin

This Challenge Is Closed

Think you’re funny?

It’s time for the latest Write Club Screenplay Challenge contest: “Everything’s Fine”

UPDATE: The results are in: And the winner is…

Comedy is not pretty. Or easy.

And it comes in lots of flavors. Slapstick? Screwball? Satire? Whether you’re writing the next fart-filled Farrelly opus, or the next Spinal Tap-killing mockumentary, it’s hard to get the funny on the page.

And that’s what you have to do, right? Get the funny on the page. Make the reader laugh (remember, we approach all screenplays from the spec perspective, and assume you have to win the reader over.)

THE CHALLENGE: Write A Short Comedy Scene

With these restrictions:

  • Write a scene with a main character who is in a situation that is incredibly awkward and difficult to cope with.
  • Include a second character whose sole purpose is to interact with the main character as though nothing is wrong and nothing awkward is happening.
  • Oh, and make it hilarious.
  • It’s okay if this isn’t a whole story… you don’t have to have a complete short film here (but you can if you want to). Just a complete scene. But as with any scene, it should have its own internal arc, so don’t skimp on the structure.

Deadline

5/15 – limited to first 25 entries

This is a Refereed Challenge. That means the winner’s not voted in by the audience, it’s chosen by our guest judge.

Who Am I To Judge?

erikka innes
Erikka Innes

Your referee will be Erikka Innes… and Erikka knows funny.

Erikka is a stand-up comedian and writer. Her articles, screenplays, and columns have appeared in a variety of publications and projects. Her comedy tours include The High School Reunion Tour and Five Funny Females. She is a regular on the Sirius XM Radio series Hey Get Off My Lawn. Her comedy films can be seen on Funny Or Die, and her award winning short film Pool Pirates has been well received on the festival circuit. Recently, one of Erikka’s one liners appeared in the NY Post article Comics’ favorite jokes.

For a daily dose of Erikka’s one liners, follow her on twitter at @nerdgirlcomedy.

What You Win

sex with nerds erikka innes
Sex With Nerds – Erikka Innes

The lucky winner will get a copy of Erikka’s latest CD “Sex with Nerds”

The new joke book she appears in: “My Joke Book.”

And of course, bragging rights.

Ready? Go!

The Rules

  • 1 scene
  • 2 pages or less
  • proper screenplay formatting
  • zero typos (esp. spelling, commas, and apostrophes) – including the character names!

Check our RULES page for more details.

Check out the FAQ page if you’re still confused.

HOW TO SUBMIT

Join Write Club Challenge.

Post your entry in the “comments” for this post. Use “Scrippets” tags to format your entry like a screenplay.

SUBMISSIONS LIMITED to the first 25 qualified entries (qualified = meeting the stated criteria) or 05-25-12 — whichever comes first.

WINNERS ANNOUNCED approximately May 31.

COMMENTS WILL BE RESTRICTED TO ENTRIES ONLY. Please don’t comment on the entries here. Such comments will be deleted (there’ll be time for comments and discussion later, after the winner’s announced, we promise). Contact Us if you have questions.

6 thoughts on “Screenplay Challenge Three – Comedy Scene: “Everything’s Fine”

  1. NOTE: We had a data crash, and this entry is rebuilt by the Admin.

    Originally submitted by user: The Hawk

    INT. PUBLISHING HOUSE CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY

    EVA and SHOSHANA sit at a conference table.

    SHOSHANA

    Did I really have to leave Ezechiel’s Bar Mitzvah for this?

    EVA

    Alright. I know you passed on this concept, and truthfully I haven’t read a word. But I’m dying to meet the author, and this was the only time available. Besides, he has the cutest mustache. And he’s just so... so hot.

    In marches ADOLF HITLER. He scatters colorful cartoon drawings on the table.

    SHOSHANA

    I’m impressed. Your drawings are very whimsical. They take me to a magical place. But the story--

    ADOLF HITLER

    Story? This is the plan!

    EVA

    Aw, look at that cute little otter--

    ADOLF HITLER

    That is a disobedient rat with all its limbs ripped off!

    SHOSHANA

    Ms. Braun, I thought I was hired to help you find the next great children’s book?

    Adolf Hitler POUNDS his fist on the table.

    ADOLF HITLER

    I wish there was a book like this when I was a child!

    EVA

    Lots of charisma.

    SHOSHANA

    This is your publishing house, Ms. Braun, but as your screener, I advise you not to get involved with this story.

    ADOLF HITLER

    The plan has a strong moral lesson!

    SHOSHANA

    Your story is about an eagle that rounds up all the mice--

    ADOLF HITLER

    Rats!

    SHOSHANA

    Rounds up all the rats and forces them into death ghettos.

    Hitler stomps around the room.

    ADOLF HITLER

    What are you talking about? The patriotic eagle sends the vermin to lovable camps! The filthy creatures develop a strong work ethic!

    EVA

    (to Shoshana)

    Doesn’t he look handsome in his uniform?

    SHOSHANA

    This is a horrible idea.

    EVA

    (to Shoshana)

    But I really like him. I want him to bang me.

    Hitler gathers his drawings.

    SHOSHANA

    Truthfully, Mr. Hitler, I think you need help.

    ADOLF HITLER

    Fuck you, Goldstein! I’m enacting plan B!

    Hitler storms out. Eva runs after him.

    SHOSHANA

    Oy vey.

  2. NOTE: We had a data crash, and this entry is rebuilt by the Admin.

    Originally submitted by user: lucyq10

    INT. LIVING ROOM

    Michael enters the living room and sits quietly on the sofa.

    LISA

    Michael, so because of food, you will not talk to me. How many times do we celebrate our anniversary? Isn’t it once a year? So this year I took it upon myself for us to try something new and you’re here being pissed off. Even my friend Vicky, whose husband does not have a job went to that same restaurant... she was the one who told me about the restaurant.

    MICHAEL

    Anything out of your mouth again will make me even more piss off than I already am. How can I be angry because of food? Does it make any sense to you? If you want to have fun on your anniversary, you don’t have to spend 0 to have fun. You do not order a cake the size of this house and order some stupid music people to come play rubbish music and you expect me to be happy paying them? And stop comparing us to other people. I hate that. If you want to be extravagant on our anniversary

    LISA

    But I wanted to surprise you.

    MICHAEL

    You wanted to surprise me! wowwww.. You have really surprise me, big time. And the next time you want to surprise me, make sure you pay the bill.

    LISA

    Michael!

    MICHAEL

    I do not want to talk about this issue anymore.

    Lisa sits on the sofa and turns on the TV. She began to take off her shoes and she farts. She began to hold her stomach.

    MICHAEL

    What was that?

    LISA

    I think I over ate.

    Lisa gets up and heads to the washroom. Michael blocks her.

    MICHAEL

    Where are you going?

    LISA

    I am going to the bathroom.

    MICHEAL

    You are going to use the bathroom?

    LISA

    Yes, Yes am going to use the bathroom, now move.

    MICHAEL

    You are going to take a shit?

    LISA

    Yes!

    MICHAEL

    That is not going to happen in this house

    LISA

    But why?

    MICHAEL

    0 worth of food just went through your system less than 30 minutes and you are going to shit it out in my toilet bowl. Are you out of your mind. sit down!

    LISA

    Michael stop play, please move.

    MICHAEL

    You are going nowhere. This is going to be a lesson I will make sure you learn. The next time you go to a restaurant you will not order the entire kitchen to show your friends that you are having fun.

    LISA

    So Michael do you want me to do it here? Listen, this is not today’s food. It is last week’s food.

    MICHAEL

    Don’t give me that bull, I saw you use the toilet this morning. So this is definitely today’s food. In fact the food we just ate.

    LISA

    Michael! Mike!

    Michael ran to the bathroom and locks himself in the bathroom.

    THE END

  3. NOTE: We had a data crash, and this entry is rebuilt by the Admin.

    Originally submitted by user: WellAdjusted

    INT. FUNERAL HOME. CUT TO A YOUNG MAN, KYLE, SEATED IN A PEW, WEARING A SUIT. FROM CAM. LEFT IN WALKS ANOTHER YOUNG MAN, SPENCER.

    SPENCER

    Hey man. Sorry I’m late.

    KYLE

    What kept you so long?

    SPENCER

    Well, this place isn’t easy to find. Who has a funeral in the middle of the woods? And besides, the only reason I’m here is because you said you needed a ride to Eric’s party.

    KYLE reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring.

    SPENCER (CONT’D)

    What’s that?

    KYLE

    This? It’s part of the ceremony. After the Dirge of The Wailing Soul is done, and the final call, and the Circle of Waking, the ringed members of the Inner Circle perform the Danse Macabre.

    SPENCER

    Wait what?

    KYLE

    Look, hold on a second.

    KYLE stands up and holds the ringed hand on his forehead.

    KYLE (CONT’D)

    We behold the sacred rite of the Mother of Terras Prima, and chant to thee: “Mi unquale, kille’annia, kuile esse.”

    (”In death, people of the willow, life begins.”)

    SPENCER

    What was that?

    KYLE

    What was what?

    SPENCER

    Uh, that Lord of the Rings shit that just happened.

    KYLE

    That was the final call. We use it to send the soul of the deceased to the Green?

    SPENCER

    The “Green”?

    KYLE

    Uh, where the soul goes when they die?

    SPENCER looks back to the front, and is appalled.

    SPENCER

    Oh God, why are they punching her?

    KYLE

    Fuck man, you’re acting like you’ve never been to a funeral before.

    SPENCER

    I thought I had. But...

    KYLE

    After the final call, the Elders ensure that the soul has left the body by pummeling the departed about the head; once for each year of life.

    SPENCER

    Is that what we do?

    SPENCER recoils.

    SPENCER (CONT’D)

    Jesus, what are they doing now?

    KYLE

    Ah, the Danse Macabre is beginning.

    SPENCER

    Holy hell they are waltzing with the corpse.

    KYLE

    Look, I gotta go do this. It’ll only take like, ten minutes and then we can duck out of here early to head to the party.

    SPENCER

    Uh...

    KYLE

    Ten minutes. I’ll be right back.

    Chanting and music is heard off-camera as it holds on SPENCER, seated in the pew, enthralled by the spectacle before him, unable to move or comprehend. One last moment causes SPENCER to recoil once more.

    SPENCER

    Oh God.

    THE END

  4. NOTE: We had a data crash, and this entry is rebuilt by the Admin.

    Originally submitted by user: anton

    INT. DAY CARE ROOM. DAY

    KEVIN wakes up with a big hangover. He notices a kids’ doll next to him with lipstick on it.

    KEVIN

    You guys.

    He starts to become aware of his surroundings. He’s in a Day Care room and he’s naked!

    KEVIN (CONT’D)

    What the... OK very good. I can’t handle my drink... Guys?

    The door opens, Kevin bends down to pick up the doll.

    MARY hovers in the doorway.

    MARY

    Hello?

    Kevin realizes he’s giving her an eyeful, stands-up, turns around to face her and uses the doll to cover his modesty.

    KEVIN

    Hi! Look, I’m really sorry. I don’t know how I’ve ended up here...

    MARY

    It’s ok. It happens all the time.

    KEVIN

    It does? Oh thank God, you don’t know how embarrassed I...

    Kevin steps on a sex toy.

    MARY

    Oh don’t be. We don’t use this room anymore.

    KEVIN

    Ah... so there is some logic to this madness.

    A relieved Kevin holds up the doll and sex toy.

    MARY

    Indeed. Anyway, we should get you out of here. It’s quite cold, isn’t it?

    Kevin immediately covers his modesty with the doll again.

    KEVIN

    Oh God, yes... Extremely.

    MARY

    I’ll just get you some help.

    KEVIN

    Great. Can’t wait to get back to the guys.

    The sex toy starts to buzz.

    KEVIN (CONT’D)

    I’ll certainly enjoy returning this.

    Mary smiles.

    MARY

    I bet! Right, here’s my husband. He’ll sort you out. I just volunteer.

    Kevin stops the sex toy.

    KEVIN

    OK. Look, thank you for being so understanding. I thought I was in a lot of...

    Kevin notices that Mary has a white cane and is blind.

    KEVIN (CONT’D)

    Oh.

    MARY

    Darling, can you help this gentleman? He’s come to see the kids and is very keen to give them something.

    Kevin panics and throws away the sex toy as in walks MARY’S HUSBAND -- a large security guard.

    The sex toy starts buzzing having landed in a compromising position on a teddy bear’s lap.

    KEVIN

    Hi!

  5. NOTE: We had a data crash, and this entry is rebuilt by the Admin.

    Originally submitted by user: danieljohnsonfilms

    INT. OFFICE -- NIGHT

    It’s dead quiet. MARCUS, mid-30’s, lifts up his gym bag and pulls out his casual clothing.

    He looks down at the suit he’s wearing. Yes. Definitely time to change.

    He takes off his shirt and tie -- followed by his trousers. He’s down to underwear.

    He looks around. It’s empty. He feels strangely liberated. He takes off his underwear. He’s naked.

    The door opens, JACK, 50’s, enters.

    JACK

    I got the figures back. We’re down 8% so we’re going to have to cut back on the Hatchwell account.

    MARCUS stands there; frozen, naked.

    MARCUS

    Umm-- uhhh, okay, look, I --- I was just ---

    JACK

    Marcus.

    JACK has a confused look on his face.

    MARCUS

    Okay you must be wondering what the hell is going on?

    JACK

    Exactly! What happened to the account? I thought you were handling it.

    MARCUS is taken aback. It’s as if JACK doesn’t know he’s naked.

    MARCUS

    Well, yeah -- I mean, obviously we’ve had some restructuring in the company, so it’s been a tough few months.

    MARCUS sits behind the desk, as if to cover his most sensitive regions.

    JACK steps towards him --

    JACK

    Look, I know you’ve had a hard time recently, but I believe in you, I do.

    MARCUS

    Thanks.

    JACK

    You’re still taking care of the Rudd acount, right?

    MARCUS

    Definitely.

    JACK

    Shake on it?

    JACK offers out his hand to shake. MARCUS realizes it will mean him having to stand and reach towards him. JACK isn’t budging.

    The naked MARCUS stands up and reaches out his hand to shake. JACK doesn’t seem fazed by it at all.

    They shake hands. MARCUS looks uncomfortable, and nervous.

    JACK (CONT’D)

    Is everything okay, Marcus?

    MARCUS

    I just feel a bit, y’know, um-- clearly this is awkward.

    JACK takes a moment to think about it.

    JACK

    You’re right. It is awkward, very awkward.

    MARCUS

    Exactly.

    JACK

    Awkward that I would expect so much of you in such a short space of time.

    MARCUS

    (lost)

    Right.

    JACK

    But I believe in you.

    MARCUS

    Thanks.

    JACK

    Hug it out?

    JACK reaches towards MARCUS for a hug. MARCUS stands there, flabbergasted.

  6. NOTE: We had a data crash, and this entry is rebuilt by the Admin.

    Originally submitted by user: scottluper

    INT. HOME OFFICE -- NIGHT

    Centered in an opulent study on a large desk, sits a phone. A dinner table’s visible outside the office door.

    INT. DINNER TABLE -- CONTINUOUS

    MILO (70) sits at one end of the table, BEA (70) at the other. Both are chubby, both bipolar. Neither takes their medication.

    Between them sits a nice turkey dinner and a dozen red roses.

    The phone RINGS in the office. Bea GLARES at Milo. He places his

    napkin on the table then LEAVES the room.

    INT. HOME OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS

    Milo enters the office. He SITS at the desk then ANSWERS the phone. Behind him is a reading corner with a chair, ottoman and lamp.

    MILO

    Hello? (beat) Well hello Mrs. Newman, how are you and (beat) What’s that? (beat) For heavens sake why?

    Bea walks into the office and stops behind Milo.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    You two really need to think this through.(beat) Of course I will but trust me, once ya’ll sleep on it divorce’ll seem silly --

    BEA

    Dinner’s waiting. They need to call your office.

    MILO

    Mrs. Newman, can you hold on just an itty bitty sec?

    Milo COVERS the phone receiver. His demeanor changes.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    You shut your suck hole and lemme talk.

    Milo UNCOVERS the receiver and regains his composure.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    Does Jack know about (beat) Oh, hi Jack. Glad I have you both on. When you find a perfect match like --

    Bea SLAPS Milo in the back of the head with ear ringing force.

    BEA

    You don’t get to talk to me like that in the living room.

    Milo COVERS the receiver.

    MILO

    I do, since you gave me Hep C.

    BEA

    Stop saying that. I had Jaundice. It’s different.

    MILO

    Says who?

    BEA

    The doctor.

    MILO

    That German? I never trusted him. That’s why we stopped --

    BEA

    We stopped going because he died you insensitive boob. And he was Irish.

    Milo PUSHES Bea. She TRIPS over the ottoman and LANDS in the chair. She STRUGGLES to free herself.

    Milo returns to his call.

    MILO

    Count yourselves lucky. You have such a great marriage.

    Bea STRUGGLES to get out of the chair.

    BEA

    I’ll kick you in your pacemaker you racist.

    Milo ignores Bea.

    MILO

    A love like yours doesn’t come along often. And to have it end over something, so trivial --

    Bea KICKS at Milo while she STRUGGLES.

    BEA

    I’m gettin’ out of this. When I do.

    Milo HOLDS the phone down but doesn’t cover the receiver.

    MILO

    (To Bea)

    You make your promises.

    Milo PUTS the phone to his ear, regains composure.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    I should know. Why, I’ve been married to the same sainted woman for five decades.

    Bea APPEARS over his shoulder, PANTING. She KNOCKS the phone from his hand. Bea’s slap SPINS her around.

    Milo KICKS her in the rear end, hard, KNOCKS her over.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    (To Bea)

    I should’ve killed you when I had the chance.

    Milo PICKS UP the dangling phone.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    Don’t make any rash decisions. Just sleep on it. I’ll call in the morning.

    As Milo HANGS up, Bea CHARGES him holding a plugged lamp over her head.

    BEA

    I’ll finish this.

    The lamp cord JERKS tight. Bea’s THROWN off balance. She SLAMS the ground on her back. The lamp HITS her in the head and KNOCKS her out.

    Milo stands over her.

    MILO

    Finish that ya yellow heifer.

    Milo LIMPS away.

    INT. DINNER TABLE -- CONTINUOUS

    Milo HOBBLES to the table. He GRABS a turkey leg and takes a BITES. He STUMBLES away, turkey leg in hand.

    INT. HOME OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS

    Milo LIMPS over to Bea, still passed out on the floor. He stands over her and EATS his turkey leg. He NUDGES her with his foot.

    MILO

    Honey? You ok?

    Bea’s eyes POP open. She SWEEPS Milo’s legs. He SLAMS the floor next to her. Both BREATH HARD.

    They LAUGH then SIGH. Milo STRUGGLES to ROLL over. He KISSES Bea on the lips.

    BEA

    Love you, Papa.

    MILO

    Love you, Mama.

    Milo ROLLS onto his back. He takes another BITE of the turkey leg.

    MILO (CONT’D)

    Maybe the best Valentines you’ve ever cooked, Baby.

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